Jim & Dylan, a couple from NYC who have unwittingly become Santa’s little helpers after they randomly received hundreds of letters from children all over the city addressed to Father Christmas. WARNING TO ALL YOU SELF-PROCLAIMED EVIL CUNTS WITH NO HEARTS OUT THERE WHO HAVE A REPUTATION TO KEEP: This might make you a little moist in the eyes, so be prepared to tell your friends and family members that you had an extra strong bong hit when they ask you why you look as vulnerable as baby deer who just opened up its eyes for the first time. A true Christmas story wrapped in newly sprouted angels wings with a bell on top.

For some unexplained reason, Jim & Dylan’s mailbox at their apartment on 22nd Street in Chelsea started to get stuffed with “Dear Santa” letters from chirruns asking for a present or two this Christmas. Jim & Dylan’s heads were filled with questions marks, because they had no idea how this happened. Instead of taking a red Sharpie to every letter and writing “Return to Sender: Santa doesn’t live here anymore. Signed, THE GRINCH” in big letters, Jim & Dylan tried to fulfill all wishes with the help of their co-workers and strangers. This story is the new meaning of Christmas spirit. We know who’s getting a pair of sparkling new halos this holiday season.

And no, don’t try to send the Santas of 22nd Street a letter asking for a double-sided dildo, because I already tried that and it didn’t show up under my tree this morning. Damn.

Merry Christmas to everyone! Let’s all try to inject a little of Jim & Dylan into our DEAD HEARTS this holiday!